This has been rattling around in my brain for quite awhile and it's spring, so here goes...
I have always had a tenuous time with female friendships ever since I can remember. I've always gotten along better with males from the time I was a little tomboy, through being a "little sister" at a fraternity... I've always been more comfortable being a 'guy's girl'. Maybe its because I have never been the jealous, catty, bitchy, backstabbing type. I was never a fan of the game playing, drama and "mean girl" stuff, that I see women perpetuating even into adulthood. If guys have issues with another guy, they beat the crap out of each other, shake hands & it's done. Girls on the other hand, will engage in grudge-holding and intricate forms of psychological torture with each other. Is it our hormones? Our DNA? Our nature, that pre-disposes most of us to behave like total c-words to each other?... I have NEVER understood why!
"We have witnessed deadly aggression between female wolves since the seventies. Why do females tend to be less tolerant of each other as they mature? Our observations at the Park and in discussions with other facilities point to females being much more intolerant of each other than males are of other males. The intensity of aggression also tends to be much greater between females. I suspect that female pack members may be under selection pressure to behave in this manner. Females may also have naturally selected "incentive" to disperse of which they are not conscious. Monty Sloan summed up his observations with a little poem: "Males are wonderful, males are nice, males are made of sugar and spice. Females are awful. Females are mean. Females will bite you, and rip out your spleen.". " - From: WOLF PARK NEWS, The Quarterly Newsletter of The North American Wildlife Park Foundation. Vol. 27 No. 1 - Winter 2000
I have been horribly betrayed by female friends throughout my life (including 2 Lisas, 2 Leslies, a Joan, a Jennifer and a Lara), which makes me extremely leery and distrustful. Not to mention the fact that I have had some truly evil and despicable female bosses, which made me vow NEVER, EVER to work for a woman again. For some women, I guess being stuck in junior high mode never truly ends, because I see it every day in workplace, social & community environments... The need to see and be seen, to judge and criticize, to undermine other women, to constantly brag about how wonderful their lives are in a game of never-ending one-upmanship, to constantly mention how wonderfully smart and advanced their children are, or how committed they are to the cause du jour (as if it were a competitive sport), or how awesome it is that they have a husband who makes enough for them to be a stay-at-home-Mom, so they can Tweet and blog about it all day long, til the kids come home from school, or remind everyone how lucky they are to have SO much love and happiness that their "cups runneth over" (which honestly makes me want to smash their damn cups into a million pieces and utter, "Who gives a shit?!").
I personally have never felt the need for such outward validation... Maybe because despite all of the BS I've been through in my life (and there has been a LOT), I have a very healthy sense of self-esteem. I have always taken the road less traveled, which has taken me to some pretty spectacular, and sometimes dark places. I have never taken myself too seriously, and have always maintained a sense of humor about life (which can be totally absurd sometimes). It took me until my 40s to realize that I am my OWN woman, on MY terms and I don't need to compare myself to others to justify anything. I have no use for the smug, self-righteousness that some of these deeply insecure women wrap themselves in like a designer coat. I don't need to be the prettiest, the skinniest, the best-dressed, the smartest or the busiest! I am who I am. I have been to hell and back, and have risen from the ashes again and again, like the fabled Phoenix. I am strong, smart, funny, caring, creative, loyal and I would bend over backwards for any of my close friends in a heartbeat. But, I am also someone who you don't want to cross swords with. I tend to have a "one strike and you're out" policy, which is admittedly one of my big, personal flaws. I have a very low tolerance for BS, lies and manipulative behavior. I am quick to anger and slow to forgive. I love deeply and get hurt easily. I can be your best friend, or walk away without a backwards glance.
I consider myself very fortunate to know some truly amazing women, and call them friends (you know who you are, ladies). Recently, I was informed that one of my old bffs from high school REALLY wanted to "reconnect" through a mutual friend and the magic of Facebook. This is someone who betrayed me so badly, and hurt me so deeply (which I later realized was because of her own deep-rooted jealousy and insecurities) that I am wary of female friendships to this day. I realized that I was suddenly in a position of strength, with the wisdom and insight of many years under the bridge to reflect, and ponder this choice. I could rekindle the friendship on a more adult level, catch up on 20-something years of being out of touch and perhaps be the bigger person... But, really, what was the point?! I didn't need this toxic person's friendship and I certainly didn't have much in common with her at this point in our lives. My response was this... "I'd rather pry my kneecaps off with a screwdriver, so no thanks!" Then I ate some chocolate, helped my daughter make a poster for school and watched a movie with my husband, who is also my best friend... The end.
No comments:
Post a Comment