Horrible Bosses: Female Edition

I have NEVER had a good female boss... Ever.

I don't know what happened to all of that "female empowerment & sisterhood" stuff, but it's not something I've ever experienced in the workplace. In fact, mine is a cautionary tale on the very worst of female behavior towards other females. Probably doesn't help that I'm an archetypal "Beta" wolf, which means that I'm very comfortable not being in charge, but supporting someone who is, all the while knowing I'm just one kill away from being the "Alpha".

Back in my day (we're talking the  middle-class suburbia of the 80's), you got a part time job when you were 16 or 17, at the point where your parents were sick of giving you spending money for everything, so you could earn your OWN money. The main choice of employment opportunity was either retail or fast food. I chose retail. My first job was in the accessories department at a brand new department store at the local mall, called "MainStreet" (predecessor to Kohl's). I quickly tired of scarves, gloves, hats, belts, purses & umbrellas & moved over to the jewelry section, which was a bit of a step up. Most of my friends worked in the juniors department and they had a very cool, laid back manager named Dave. My boss, Pat, was a bitchy, large woman, with little empathy for her young part-timer staff members... she favored the more serious, full-time ladies on her team, since we were "dispensable". The one and only time I ever got in trouble was when a carton of accessories items was left in the warehouse area and it apparently contained some diamond earrings... I had NO idea how or why it got there, but one of the older ladies on the team (who had a giant stick up her ass) noticed it, reported it to Pat and then named me as the culprit. Pat then chewed me out and wrote me up for it, having zero proof that "I" was actually the one responsible. I was in high school, so I really didn't give a shit, because I was part-time & probably only making $5 an hour, with my sights set on going off to college after the summer. C'est la vie.

During my college summer breaks, I also worked at various retail places to make money for the school year. I remember working for an insanely hyper, moody, blonde chick named Kris at a store that sold museum quality items. My female co-workers were lovely, but she was not. I hated not knowing what kind of mood she'd be in from day-to-day, so I preferred the younger, sweeter Assistant Manager, Bettina, who was secretly carrying on an affair with a district manager, that she eventually left her husband for, to run off with him to California, where he was opening more stores. I quit that place and went to work for a natural beauty product chain (which had been started by a very cool woman in London). I did love their products and the fact that I got to do makeovers on customers, but the franchised store was owned by 2 Canadian sisters, who were VERY intense, especially when they scrutinized me on the selling floor. Once, after doing a closing shift, one of the sisters was the manager on duty & couldn't get the outer metal screen door shut & locked (the store was in a mall), so she started cursing & swearing "For fuck's sake!", which made me giggle. The sisters weren't interested in investing in the girls on their team, they were all about the bottom line and despite being well-liked by customers & co-workers, they canned me (I don't even remember what the reason was) and gave me the parting gift of picking a product from the store, so I chose the most expensive tub of mango body butter I could find. That thing lasted me for 2 years!

Once I graduated college, but still had no idea what I really wanted to do career-wise, I took a job as a visual merchandiser at a local department store chain (since by now, I had a solid background in retail). In some ways, it was really fun and interesting, since each store had a dedicated team, with access to a massive warehouse of mannequins, props, etc. which we used to create "themed" displays. I had gotten the job through some retail connections, and the woman in charge was an inscrutable lady named Carla, who was nice, but certainly not a "mentor" figure. I learned everything by trial and error, since there was no formal training. The team I was part of was nice and we were led by a super-gay manager named Jim (who also had zero management or training skills). The one thing I remember about Carla was a brainstorming meeting we had about patriotic ideas for displays, where she burst into tears over the fact that the Gulf War had recently started.  I was shocked to see her be so emotional. Later that day, I was finishing up a very cool window display, when I plugged a glue gun into an outlet, which sparked, and threw me back against a wall, with a shock from some serious electrical voltage. I still have a mini portfolio of pictures of my work, which really wasn't half-bad!

My first "real" corporate job was as a sales coordinator for a textbook publisher. It was an okay job, but I could walk to work and was discreetly dating a co-worker. Ruth was the woman who ran the department... she was a member of the Junior League, was very  rigid, steely-eyed, drove a shiny, red convertible & ran a tight ship. She seemed to have favorites and she made it clear from day one that I wouldn't ever be one of them. My immediate supervisor was an older woman named Kathy, who had been there forever and was sweet, but was completely beholden to the department head. I did my work well, supporting field sales reps and tried to get along with everyone... Except for an androgynous girl named Kelly, who I suspected was a lesbian, and one of Ruth's pets. She also HATED the fact that I was dating a guy from another department, who she was friends with and was clearly very protective of. I'm not sure what her seething, inner jealousy & insecurity did to her brain, but she developed more and more of an attitude towards me as the months progressed. Then, one day, my boss Kathy, who had been acting nervous and strange all morning, told me to go to Ruth's office for a meeting, which confused me, but I went. Sitting behind her desk, perfectly coiffed, in a power suit was Ruth, glaring at me, with someone from HR sitting beside her. It was a total ambush and I was gobsmacked when they told me to sign a paper stating that I had violated a company "ethics" rule and was being let go because of it. I asked them to specify WHICH ethics rule I had violated, which they weren't expecting. Ruth totally evaded the question and again asked me to sign the paper. My mind and heart were racing, because I knew this whole scenario was very wrong, but I felt powerless to do anything. I signed the paper, walked numbly back to my desk, put some things in a box and was escorted to the elevator by Kathy. I did notice Kelly chuckling at the scene, but I refrained from smacking her. Just like that, I was out. When I reached the lobby, one of the super-nice ladies from our group, who seemed fond of me, was coming in from lunch and asked me where I was going, I told her "I just got fired.", then I burst into tears & walked home. I did, however, get some measure of vengeance, by marrying the guy I had met & dated while at this job and I made sure to send a wedding announcement to both Kathy & Ruth via e-mail, because after being screwed so suddenly and badly, I wanted them to know that they didn't get the best of me, so I figured why the f@ck not?!

My second "big" post-college job was as a marketing coordinator, within the marketing department of the corporate headquarters of a well-established, 50 year-old company. When I started, my boss Tom was a very laid-back guy, with no desire to manage or train, he just wanted to hide out in his basement level video production room and do his thing. About a year into my tenure, a very ambitious lady named Dawn took over as the Marketing VP. She was driven, hyper, loved by upper management and didn't like the fact that I'd question things. She wanted a "yes" person, because that was what she was, when it came to her bosses. I did countless project timelines for her that would get blown because some Senior VP let something sit on his desk for 2 weeks, leaving my team to scramble and stress to get projects done for end dates that never moved, despite the scope changes. I busted my ass, but things went really south after I announced that I was pregnant... Dawn started asking me if I had any interest in "other" areas of the business, which I really didn't, but I played her game of talking to other influential people in nearby departments. I was naive to the fact that she was trying to "offload" me from the department (probably because I was making over $50K and she could save $ by cutting me loose and bringing in a younger person, in an administrative capacity, who she could pay far less). Needless to say, I had complications during my pregnancy, so I had a scheduled c-section in late July, took my 3 month maternity leave, came back in October, had further complications (mainly post-partum depression), which I had to take more short-term disability time off for and then returned in early December. Dawn clearly didn't give a damn about my pregnancy complications, but kept me on through the end of December (to cover people on their holiday breaks). I'll never forget coming into the office on January 2nd at 8:30 AM, sitting down at my desk and not five minutes after that, getting a call from the HR director to "come down to her office. I made my way down to her office, where my boss was sitting, actually "lying in wait". I sat there, silent, willing myself not to look at or reach over and strangle Dawn. The HR lady (known internally as "The Angel of Death") looked at me and said, "You don't look surprised to be here.", I replied with, "I'm not.". Dawn then went on to explain how they were going to be "restructuring" the department, which is why she had tried to find a spot for me somewhere else, but unfortunately, my position was going to be eliminated, blah, blah, blah... Papers were given to me to sign, which I did, since I was owed a few weeks of vacation pay and would be able to file for unemployment, since this was technically a "layoff"... I was angry, bitter & very hurt, because Dawn had clearly been planning my demise for months, during which time I had a baby and some serious health issues... How could any woman with a heart or a soul do this to another woman?... The answer was easy, she had neither. So, after 3 + years of hard work,  I went home to my 3-month old baby, lived for awhile on unemployment checks and my husband's salary, while I plotted my next move.

I made several "next moves" and one summer found myself working in a seriously affluent suburb as an account coordinator in the tiny offices of an academic services company. I had been REALLY excited about the opportunity to work for a small, privately owned business, run by a woman with a PhD, who was also a clinical psychologist. For the first 2 weeks of my tenure, "Laura" was on vacation, so the other new account coordinator and I were supposed to be "speed-trained" by the 2 ladies who were moving on from their positions. They were both nice enough, but I soon noticed an odd dynamic, where they seemed very protective of Laura, but also made a lot of excuses for why things were done the way they were. Things got even more weird when Laura returned, expecting me to know everything about her business and nitpicking everything I did to death. She was a classic "seagull" manager, who would delegate tasks, then days later would swoop in, shit all over everything, then fly away. Laura was also a total narcissist AND a moody, condescending control freak with entitlement issues (BAD combo). She WAS a brilliant person, but a terrible businesswoman / manager. She undermined & overthought every project she wanted done. She even critiqued the way I took notes during meetings!  Finally, after 3 months of it, when she came at me during a team meeting, I suggested that I'd be better off not working there any longer, handed her my office keys and walked out the door (much to the dismay of my sweet, sobbing co-worker). I think she was shocked at my departure and of course claimed zero responsibility for her part in that decision, but I was just DONE. Needless to say, I wasn't the first, nor the last, in a long list of former employees. One of them even told me there was a Facebook page for them to "vent" about their experiences working for her... That bit of information validated everything for me.

My most recent encounter was at a small, privately owned publisher, where I was a sales assistant for a female sales director. The money was not even what the average salary for a position like that in my area, but the job sounded interesting and it afforded me a 6 minute commute (and I came to find out that the other sales assistants and a few other folks from different departments were a great bunch of people, who were a big support). I had reservations about working for another woman, but decided to give it a try. Veronica was all about herself, not team-oriented and incredibly hands-off... so much so, that she rarely ventured out of her office. And when she did leave, it was for meetings with higher-ups or to talk with other sales directors. Mingling with the "little people" was not her style, nor was personal interaction, so she pretty much communicated everything via e-mail (which is how I got my birthday greeting, because walking over to my office was simply too much for her). I had actually replaced 2 people and was also supposed to be assisting a sales manager, but rarely could, since Veronica had me going from the moment I walked in the door, until it was time to go home. My "training" was done by other people in the office, which I found odd, but it became apparent that she neither knew, nor wanted to know about the duties of her assistant. She was also quite fond of endless spreadsheets, grids and complicated PPTs, that had no standard templates, since they were customized for each of her 13 client accounts. And since the company was using ancient, DOS software (yes, you read that right) to manage projects, inventory, sales, etc., I had to duplicate information many, many times for many different uses. I wasn't once asked to be part of a client meeting or given any access to decision makers in her absence. Yet, I busted my ass for this woman, particularly when she had big, important meetings, which required PPTs, printed copies of PPTs, art files, pricing info, samples of product and packing the samples for her to take. I got my first review about 9 months into my tenure and it was the most negative, unprofessional review I've ever had... it was SO lame that even the HR director had words with her about it afterwards (a fact I learned later on). The only thing I remember about it (other than utter disbelief) was saying to her at the end, "So Veronica, is there anything positive you have to say about my performance?", to which she replied, "Well, I like talking to you."... I was truly gobsmacked. Thankfully, 4 months later I got a great job offer for a significantly higher salary, with a company that I knew would be a much better fit (and had an amazing, accomplished, down-to-earth, nice, woman President). I can't even tell you how satisfying it was to give Veronica my 2 weeks notice!

Honorable Mentions

During a short stint as a contract project coordinator for an educational company, I sat in a meeting with the woman in charge of the creative group that I was part of, along with the marketing team. Towards the end of the meeting, I dared to ask a question to one of the marketing folks... Minutes after the meeting, I was summoned into the office of the Director CJ (a very accomplished, yet arrogant & unapproachable black woman, who I'd barely interacted with)... She fired me on the spot, assuming that my question was an attempt to somehow usurp her authority and I had stepped out of line as a mere contractor by acting  "above my station", because I clearly wanted to be a manager. I tried to have a rational discussion with her, but her snap judgment had been cast, so I literally sat there, shaking my head at her seriously wrong, totally reactionary response. She then had the audacity to ask me if I needed help or boxes to pack up my stuff... I told her no, grabbed what little I had on my desk, said goodbye to one of my awesome, British co-workers (who was equally astounded as I was) and walked out the door. I called the agency, who I had been hired through & went off on the account manager I had been working with, because this woman's treatment of me was so unbelievably bitchy, since she clearly had an axe to grind & did it in my face!... Needless to say, I NEVER took another job through that agency & to this day, wouldn't recommend that anyone work with them.

I once had an interview at a small, local company that makes digital photography keepsakes. The management team that I had the initial interview with seemed to really like me & brought me back for a second interview with the CEO. She was a very direct, ambitious, driven, Filipina chick, who was clearly not someone that plays well with other women, because anyone smarter or as capable as her would be a threat... She proceeded to grill me and completely shred my resume, as the horrified management team looked on. I'm sure they actually wanted to hire me, but got cockblocked by their CEO. It was THE worst interview experience I've ever had & I distinctly remember getting a very spiky, snippy response from her after I sent a nice, professional post-interview "thank you" e-mail. I didn't get the job & just laughed, while feeling very thankful that I didn't have to work for a company run by a modern-day Cersei Lannister.

However...there IS a silver lining to having dealt with all of these horrid women... I learned how NOT to be in the professional world, I learned that the myth of "sisterhood" in the workplace, is just that... a myth. I learned to be my own advocate and support... I learned that being a smart, attractive, capable Beta-female was seen as a serious threat to deeply  insecure Alpha-females. I learned that there's a certain type of manipulative, undermining, power-play BS that women do to other woman, which I have ZERO tolerance for... And mostly, I learned that despite everything, it wasn't ME. I wasn't the problem. I was never the problem.

Stay tuned for Horrible Bosses: The Male Edition, coming soon!