Dear Frenemy

 Dear Frenemy,

High school is long past, but my reckoning is not. Now that I've had many years of perspective & lots of time to reflect, here are a few salient truths for you to ponder...

I was ALWAYS prettier, thinner, more clever & funny. I could wear the little, lacy, nothing bras, while you had to spend hundreds on "over the shoulder boulder holders" & had to get a breast reduction at 16. I had better skin & hair. I was a much kinder person. I was far more charming, which is probably why the uber handsome guy at the cafe we met the summer before college called ME & started dating ME, not you, prompting you to tell our entire group of friends that if I ever mentioned him, I was lying, because your bitterness & jealousy over that was more than you could bear.  I was more creative & artsy. I looked fucking amazing in my size 7, vintage prom dress ala Molly Ringwald, while you had to wear something that looked like old, lace curtains that a mother of the bride would wear (and your prom date, who you drunkenly lost your virginity to in the back seat of his grandma's Buick turned out to be gay, which I still chuckle about to this day). And despite your "reputation" for developing early & acting the "slut", with your seemingly endless knowledge of boys, you ended up marrying the college guy who gave you an STD (which you bragged about), while I had amazing boyfriends & probably slept with more people (some quite famous) than you ever dreamed of. I did theatre, I fronted a band, I did burlesque, I strutted my stuff on many stages, all to the delight of audiences, which is also something you could only ever dream of doing. I've traveled the world, I've been a published author, I've owned homes & cars & horses, while you've lived in all of 2 places. 

And now, as adults, when I mention you to other people who knew you back then, they ALL tell me what a bitch they thought you were & honestly can't believe I considered you to be my best friend. Because honestly, you were and probably are still a horrible person. I may have been a very innocent, trusting person, with low inner self-esteem back then, because I didn't want to believe that you were capable of such fuckery towards such a close friend, but I am quite the opposite nowadays. I know that you're connected to people I know, and yet, you've never once tried to reach out to re-connect, despite me hearing murmurings that you may have wanted to... But please know that if you ever did, I wouldn't even give you the motherfucking time of day... Because you don't deserve one single second of my time, my energy or my valuable friendship... I have NO fucks left to give where you're concerned. You are nothing to me, nothing but a cautionary tale that I tell my own daughter, about how to choose friends very wisely & steer very clear of twatwaffles like you, who use people & then throw them away, all because of their own desperate insecurity, self-hate & jealousy.

It's okay because guess what?... I survived the damage you inflicted on me & in the end, I WIN. I ALWAYS win, sweetheart! And despite everything, I have some incredible female friends who are just like me & you don't hold a candle to ANY of them!